You guys...for real...I mess up on the REGULAR. Like...daily. We all know this, and we all know that I have ZERO problem talking about it. But TODAY. Today was the fuck up of ALL fuck ups. I'm almost to the point where I think..."Ooooooooh...Meg, let's maybe keep this one to yourself. NOTHING good can possibly come from this. People are going to start to wonder how it's even possible that you keep 6 children alive, let alone brush your teeth or use the washroom. It's. That. Bad.
Let's have a little refresher on my previous Mom Fails...
That time, in the summer, when I was heading to Nikkita's for coffee and girl talk, but I forgot that there was still a kid sleeping upstairs.
That time the kids were all..."My popsicle tastes like toofpaste!" And I was all..."Shut up! You're all just a bunch of stupid children."
When in reality...Their popsicles had been floating in Grandpa's Sambuca.
I'm just tossing this one in because I suck at dishes, and I think they're stupid.
That time I let Quinn play with an EXTREMELY venomous caterpillar because I'm stupid, and should've FOR SURE failed Biology.
That time I had to go pick up Quinn, but couldn't find my car keys...because my dumb ass left my car running for 4.5 hours at the end of the block after I dropped her off at the bus stop that morning.
Thought to myself..."It's the beginning of the school year...you'll get your shit together soon, I'm SURE."
That time I had to drive Quinn to school because, NATURALLY...we missed the bus. Only problem is...that's not Quinn's fucking school!!!
Oh, this day just sucked a GIANT one!!! You can read about it here
Here I am...at Quinn's bustop. Been waiting here a while. Maybe 10 minutes. I hear Penny...
"Mommy, can me get out of my buckle?"
"No sweetie...let's wait for Quinn."
And then I hear it...
"Mom! I'm right here!"
Mother FUCK!!! Quinn stayed home today!!! I kept her home because of a shitty cough. I...legit...put this child into the car...buckled her...and tried to pick her up from her own damned bus stop. Does the story get better? Sure the fuck does. The lights were on. You know...on the bus. He saw me. He was preparing to stop. WTF was I to do? I had to get out of the car and somehow explain myself. He already knew. This poor man literally STOPPED his bus to tell the batshit, dumb as rocks Mom...that her child was ALREADY in her car. I wish I had gotten a picture of his face. He already thinks I have the brains of a small field mouse given the "I left my car running" story. He just laughed his ass off and shook his head.
So...to all of the parents out there who think they're COMPLETELY failing at this thing called life, just remember...it could be worse. You could be ME. Being a parent is the most rewarding thing in this world, but at the same time...it DESTROYS brain cells. No joke.
I want to hear all of your Mom/Dad fail stories!!! Let's all laugh our asses off, and embrace it...instead of judging and tearing each other down.