You guys...for real...I mess up on the REGULAR. Like...daily. We all know this, and we all know that I have ZERO problem talking about it. But TODAY. Today was the fuck up of ALL fuck ups. I'm almost to the point where I think..."Ooooooooh...Meg, let's maybe keep this one to yourself. NOTHING good can possibly come from this. People are going to start to wonder how it's even possible that you keep 6 children alive, let alone brush your teeth or use the washroom. It's. That. Bad. Let's have a little refresher on my previous Mom Fails... That time, in the summer, when I was heading to Nikkita's for coffee and girl talk, but I forgot that there was still a kid sleeping upstairs. #sorryHarper That time the kids were all..."My popsicle tastes like toofpaste!" And I was all..."Shut up! You're all just a bunch of stupid children." When in reality...Their popsicles had been floating in Grandpa's Sambuca. #its5oclocksomewhere I'm just tossing this one in because I suck at dishes, and I think they're stupid. That time I let Quinn play with an EXTREMELY venomous caterpillar because I'm stupid, and should've FOR SURE failed Biology. That time I had to go pick up Quinn, but couldn't find my car keys...because my dumb ass left my car running for 4.5 hours at the end of the block after I dropped her off at the bus stop that morning. Thought to myself..."It's the beginning of the school year...you'll get your shit together soon, I'm SURE." #nope #busdriverthinksimBATSHIT That time I had to drive Quinn to school because, NATURALLY...we missed the bus. Only problem is...that's not Quinn's fucking school!!! #maybenexttime Oh, this day just sucked a GIANT one!!! You can read about it here #cantcookeither Drumroll please.... Here I am...at Quinn's bustop. Been waiting here a while. Maybe 10 minutes. I hear Penny... "Mommy, can me get out of my buckle?" "No sweetie...let's wait for Quinn." And then I hear it... "Mom! I'm right here!" Mother FUCK!!! Quinn stayed home today!!! I kept her home because of a shitty cough. I...legit...put this child into the car...buckled her...and tried to pick her up from her own damned bus stop. Does the story get better? Sure the fuck does. The lights were on. You know...on the bus. He saw me. He was preparing to stop. WTF was I to do? I had to get out of the car and somehow explain myself. He already knew. This poor man literally STOPPED his bus to tell the batshit, dumb as rocks Mom...that her child was ALREADY in her car. I wish I had gotten a picture of his face. He already thinks I have the brains of a small field mouse given the "I left my car running" story. He just laughed his ass off and shook his head.
So...to all of the parents out there who think they're COMPLETELY failing at this thing called life, just remember...it could be worse. You could be ME. Being a parent is the most rewarding thing in this world, but at the same time...it DESTROYS brain cells. No joke. I want to hear all of your Mom/Dad fail stories!!! Let's all laugh our asses off, and embrace it...instead of judging and tearing each other down.
15 Comments
Jami
12/9/2016 02:57:21 am
When my oldest was in Kindergarten we lived in a house that had a 6/10 mile long driveway. We didn't let her walk it by herself, so we drove her to and from the bus stop at the end of the driveway. I was working swingshifts at the time and had worked the night before. Hubby put youngest down for a nap with me while I was sleeping. He set the alarm for me to get up and go get oldest. Well, youngest woke up, decided to play and unplugged the clock!! I woke up 10 minutes past her drop off time, flipped out, grabbed truck keys and walked, no, ran out the door. In doing this I left my youngest (who was 3 at the time) in the house alone!! I drove to the bus driver's house 3 to 4 miles down the road HOPING she has taken my daughter there and was going to call me. Nope, she put her on another bus to go back to the school and have them call me! She called the other bus driver, they turned around and brought my daughter back. I get home and my poor 3 year old was standing by the front door crying her eyes out because I had left her!! They're 19 and 16 now and I still feel HORRIBLE about that day!!!
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Cecille Agustin
12/10/2016 04:30:33 am
😁😂😢😭 I feel you...you have to forgive yourself mommy. I'm sure you are already forgiven by your kids *virtual hugs*
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Margie
12/9/2016 04:29:23 am
My oldest son was a freshman in high school and on the basketball game. He was in playing the whole game and between one of the quarters he went to the bench to take a drink from his water bottle. Took a sip and spit it out and said it was nasty to his teammates.
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Dan
12/9/2016 04:49:35 am
Date night with the wife, stayed out late, had a couple drinks. Picking up kids from sitter who lives two blocks away. We get home, it's late, straight to bed. 10 minutes later, door bell rings. I calmly yell "who the fuck is at our door at 1 am?" It's our middle child that we left at the sitters.
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Jesse
12/9/2016 05:18:54 am
I left my car running a couple weeks ago for my son's entire soccer game. I couldn't find my keys when we trying to leave and walk out to the parking lot to realize it. I felt like such a idiot! I told my 3 kids not to tell dad! Lmao I blamed that one on my period brain, but we all know that's it's just officially my brain on kids...
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Naomi
12/9/2016 06:54:41 am
When my son was in 2nd grade they were able to dress up for Dr Suess day. The night before I remembered and scrambled to throw together a cat in the cat costume. Thr next day he wore it and I did full face make up and everything. Come to find out I was off by about a wk! Luckily the wonderful nurse and office staff at his school intercepted him when he walked in the door and helped to wash his face and change his clothes. I may never live that day down!
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Stephanie Schriver
12/9/2016 07:47:37 am
Ok, so way back on a December day we were out Christmas shopping with my parents and the kids. My parents were in a separate vehicle, we had one last stop to make at Walmart for water softner salt and then we were going out for a Chinese supper mmmm.
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When my daughter was 6 months old, I was at Target. I put her car seat on the trunk as I loaded everything in to the car.
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freedom brown
12/9/2016 09:57:47 am
I once dropped my 7 year old daughter off at her friends house when it was dark out. Obviously thinking they were home..I drive about 2 blocks away then text to see if she made it inside and the mom calls me in a panic saying she wasn't at home . I then freaked out thinking crap I just left her there in the dark. Once I was 3 blocks away I turned around sped back to the street and I saw my daughter walking down the sidewalk in the dark crying because she saw me drive away and I didn't stop nor see her coming back to the car. I was devastated. And so was she. Luckily we lived on the same street. She was walking home where her sister was..
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Tiffany
12/9/2016 10:42:40 am
I am a grandma. I was a parent but being 47 I'm kinda use to not having a 2 year old around. I watch my grandson every day for my daughter and son in law.
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Linda
12/9/2016 11:09:11 am
One Halloween my oldest and I parked down the street from Grandma and Grandpa's so that we could surprise them and trick-or-treat at their house. I pull over and my oldest likes the song that is on so I leave the car on so that he can listen to the song. I get out of the car and I lock it as I get out. So yes, he's listening to his song but he's also locked in the car. Luckily a neighbor had a tool to unlock the car!
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Karen Thomas
12/9/2016 11:24:05 am
When my son was 3, we were at a local beach for the day, playing in the sand. Next to us was a family with a speed boat they had pulled up in the shallow water to have lunch on the beach. They were friendly and we all talked off and on. When it came time for them to get back on the boat, they offered to take our son out for a spin. The boat was full of people and we - without hesitation - let them take our son out for a ride. Our ONLY child. With strangers. Out on the water. When they were out of eyesight, we sat there and looked at each other and said, "What the fuck did we just do?" I started crying and praying that I didn't just willingly let strangers abduct my child. The most STUPID thing I have ever done in my life. Praise Jesus they returned him safe and sound.
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Meg Capron
12/9/2016 01:48:17 pm
Well there was the time the kids were late to school and I totally forgot to open the garage door before putting the car in reverse....that was fun telling my husband that story...or the time I took Chloe to the wrong gymnastics meet and didn't realize until the damn thing was over and she came up to me and was like I don't know any of these girls mom...or the fact that I seriously can't keep track of anything and received a 200 dollar collections notice from the library hubby wasn't happy about that one and the time I came home after a very rare night out just to put one of my kids. To bed in the closet oops😊😉I'm pretty sure a lot of us have very similar stories
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Laura
12/9/2016 02:17:03 pm
Ummm I dropped my kid off for a field trip in the morning when to a friends house after and had coffee left my phone in the car about and hour and a half later I leave and check my phone I have 32 missed calls! Well let's just say that there was no field trip that day and the school was trying to call me to come back and pick up my kid but my phone was in the car so I didn't get any messages! The school called dad at work and he called my mom which the school already called so grandma and grandpa had to pick up Bryce at school that morning. Talk about feeling dumd I can't be the only one out there that has done this! #momfail
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Megan
8/27/2017 08:26:47 pm
Let's just say, that after the birth of my 3rd child I was sooo out of it, I posted her social security card on Facebook, JUST to prove a point to someone that we really did name one of her middle names after them! Just to have him comment on it how it may not be the smartest thing in the world to put that kind of sensitive information on a social media website and also that she may already own a house by now.....I was MORTIFIED! 😫
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