Day #1 of e-learning...
I’m not EVEN going to get into what a giant sh*tshow of a day today’s e-learning session was.
Y’all...I have PATIENCE!!! So much, in fact, that I decided SIX children (including ALL day, 9 month pregnancy vomit fests) was a good idea.
It was not. Not with this Google classroom crap. I can no longer. I’d go ahead and normally call myself a semi-tech savvy person. Not today. I am no longer savvy. I am now a day drinker. I’m done.
Just when I thought my day couldn’t get ANY sh*ttier, my higher powers looked down at me and said...
“Let’s f*ck this b*tch up REAL good!”
After my 6 hour sweat fest, AKA e-learning...I decided that my 7 day streak of wearing the same sweatpants needed to come to an end. The orange Cheeto residue that fell onto the floor after removing my bra was also another solid indicator that it was time.
So I shower...and reach for my favorite towel.
Y’all shop Costco?
Ever stumble across their amazing 8 foot long bath sheets? They’re HUGE...and soft AF...and wash up like a dream.
Let me go ahead and tell you why they’re not for me though...
Sh*t. Is. HEAVY.
You guys know what happens to a super huge a** heavy towel draped over the body of someone that could pretty much represent the Lollipop Guild?
We’ll get back to that.
So, there I was...fresh out the shower. I go into my bedroom and sit in the floor by the window. I was watching the little girls partake in their e-learning “PE” time...which was basically just them REPEATEDLY performing a savage, classy, boujie, ratchet...Sassy, moody, nasty TikTok on the trampoline.
I started texting a friend about e-learning and our sudden influx of alcohol consumption. It’s no scientific revelation that the 2 go hand in hand.
This is where my life took a real decline.
A kid walks in. I won’t say which kid, but it was a kid that KNOWS how absolutely birdbrained her next move was.
Comes AT me...with her phone...her PHONE...facing ME.
Phone facing ME!
“How do I end this?”
How does she end WHAT, you ask?
The MFing LIVE GOOGLE HANGOUT with her ENTIRE classroom!!!
So there I am...heavy towel...that fell around my waist...with my 40 something year old titties staring Mrs. Definitelygonnaneedsometherapyafterthis...
RIGHT in the face!!!
My boobs. Were in. Her face.(.)(.)
And since my brain, now misfiring in EVERY direction as to what in TactualF to do next, is completely cashed out from e-learning...I stand up...to flip her phone to the ceiling...and casually then don my late 70’s Coronabush.
Show and Tell Hell
It’s moments like these that I wish I didn’t go all “balls out” on having children.
Showing her class “something that smells good”
I'm new here. Give me 3 more nights, and 6 more bottles of wine.