Ya'll know what I'm talkin' about.
Can't even SAY the word, can ya?
There!!! You scratching' yet?
Lemme go ahead and tell ya'll a little story, mmmmmmmm kay???
Awwwwww...here we are!!! How sweet, right? Just one of the TWO family photos we actually have together. I love how easily noticeable it is that I'm sucking in SO blatantly hard. My body looks like it's in FULL ON physical pain. That, or, I'm holding in a DOOZY of a fart. I look like a stand-in Mom that wasn't meant to be in the picture. Anywhooooooo...here we are in January of 2016, on a family cruise.
This is the photo that was used in mostly EVERY article written about us. This was the photo broadcasted on the Steve Harvey Show. This is the photo that will be printed in a French magazine.
THIS is the photo that will FOREVER remind me that we were...
INFESTED WITH LICE!!!
Yup!!! All of us girls. Loaded. Disgusting, right? Let's discuss...
Here I am...just chillin' in Kev's suitcase. Probably transferring LICE all over his underwears. NO idea about the poo bugs on my nugget.
Here we are...in the airport...about to get on a plane to Florida. Penny clearly VERY excited. All I can think about is how close our heads were. NO idea we have LICE.
Here I am with Opa...probably passin' bugs into his ears. NO IDEA I have LICE.
Look at these two cuties frolicking around, having NO IDEA tiny bugs are shitting all over their heads.
Oh, here's a favorite of mine. "Let's get ALL of the girls' hair braided by some poor unsuspecting women on the beach. Again...NO IDEA they have LICE. Is that lice...is that sand? We'll never know.
NBD...just touchin' heads...with our killer Monica braids, and NO IDEA of the LICE all up in our asinine amount of hair.
So there we were...on our AWESOME vacation, and NO idea about the poo bugs multiplying by the thousands.
Wanna know WHY we didn't know?
Because NOBODY f*cking talks about it!!!
Schools "say" they check, but that's basically like asking a 15 year old to check their underwears for skid marks. NOT happening. I get it. 300 some heads? I'd be doin' a half ass job too!
When I FINALLY figured it out, I rushed them all to Midwest Lice Specialists. They told me our infection started in December!!! UGHHHHHHH!!! Seriously?
She asked me SO many times..."Do you want me to check you?"
I'm all..."Nahhhhhh...I'm good. There's NO way those little poo slingers could survive the amount of dry shampoo I saturate this dome with. Let's just do it for FUN though."
I wanted to DIE. Right there...DIE!
But, GREAT news!!! To the small tune of a MORTGAGE payment...they treated us. They were 100% guaranteed GONE!!! Did that matter ONE bit? NOPE!!! Kids went back to school, and every other kid was STILL infested...because nobody looks...and nobody cares...and nobody THINKS their kids could POSSIBLY get it. So we continued to get it...again...and again...and again.
Let me break it down for you this way...
LICE love ERRRRRRRRRONE!!!
LICE love dirty hair.
LICE love clean hair.
LICE love unicorn hair.
LICE love white people hair.
LICE love black people hair.
LICE love Asian and Mexican hair.
LICE love girl hair
LICE love boy hair
LICE love straight, Bi, gay, transexual, and transgender hair.
LICE love Hillary supporters' hair
LICE love Trump supporters' hair
LICE love the people that would've preferred to vote for Bernie hair
In some CRAZY way...we should ALL be like LICE, right?
But seriously...they're f*cking gross.
CHECK YOUR KIDS' HEADS!!! Weekly!!!
We check EVERY Friday. We also preventatively TREAT every Friday. I'm not talking about the chemical shit storm boxes at your local drug store that could quite possibly cause your child to grow a third arm, all the while not killing the little shits anyways. I'm talking a LICE comb off of Amazon, a bottle of ANY type of oil in your home (coconut, olive, grapeseed, almond), some Tea Tree EO, and a shower cap. This method suffocates the CRAP out of them.
Listen guys...it's EVERYWHERE!!! Don't think it can't happen to you or your Family. And if it does, quit being so damned embarrassed!!! TALK about it!!! Tell your friends. Tell your kids' friends' parents. Quit hiding behind some damned bugs that do nothing but LOVE everyone. But, let's get rid of that shit...for real.
Me: Hey Quinn...real quick...did you draw on the table?
Me: You sure?
(I love how kids have NO idea what "Are you sure" means)
Me: You wanna come take a look...because I'm pretty sure this is your work?
Quinn: Nope. Not me Mom. I draw on paper.
Me: Really though...because...last I checked, you're the only Oeser (at this moment) that draws arms and legs that protrude DIRECTLY from an oversized head, that's usually accompanied by a fancy mohawk. I mean...you wanna double check here?
Quinn: Yeah, no...not me Mom. I think Penny.
Me: Weird. Penny has a difficult time with so much as a circle, but if you say so.
Quinn: Can you buy me my Frozen Fever Elsa dress tomorrow for Halloween?
Me: *18 long, dry blinks*
So this is the TABLE...
In ALL of her glory...there she is. The homeliest table you've EVER seen. 8 of us live in this house, and here's our table for 5. 4 matching chairs, and 1 shitty garage sale find. But...MAN...I love this table!
Most every night, I'll find a few Shopkins chilling on our table (if you don't know what a Shopkin is, go ahead and thank Baby Jesus). They're always covered with a blanket, and always only 2 (a toilet and a watermelon today.) Don't EVER move these lover Shopkins...EVER...unless you'd prefer the wrath of Penny and Quinn before your morning cup of Joe. You don't want this. Trust me.
How cute is this though? I like to think it's their way of demonstrating a Mother and Father's love for one another. Whatever the case...it makes me smile...and wanna love up on my man.
There is SO much CRAP on this table. Marker, paint, pencil, Sharpie, NAIL POLISH, Easter egg coloring stains, sticky Mailbu puddles...you name it!
This is where Harper practiced her vowels.
That, or...Ella was working on her Spanish "Hellos." I can't be too sure.
This is just a Hello Kitty sticker on a chair. It's been there for YEARS!!! I don't have the heart to remove it because it's Penny's kitty chair. That, or I'm just lazy. I'll never tell.
Awwwwwwww...here's a heart that Jack drew for me when he was little.
Yeah. No. That's pizza sauce.
Seriously though...this table. It's so ugly. It's so run down. Kev hates it!!! Talks about sanding it down and revarnishing it...or just tossing it...because it's THAT hideous.
He's kidding NO ONE!!! We LOVE this table!!! It's everything! It's our kids. It's their drawings. It's their thoughts. It's their messes. It's this house. It's our memories. It's our lives. It's our EVERYTHING!!! This table means the WORLD to me!!!
So much, in fact, that I just took close to 85 professional pictures of the damned thing!
What does your Family have? What is the one thing that you'll take with you forever? The one thing that makes you tear up just thinking about it?
Mine? The "Table." OUR Table.
Guess who dressed herself today?
Guess who also learned the "Trick or Treat, Smell My Feet" song?
How is it that one tiny human can make me smile ear to ear, and COMPLETELY make my day, but at the same time...
100%...drive me to the bottle?
There it is.
That was it.
My Young Living EO's.
That viral letter to my Husband revolved 100% around these little bottles of heaven.
My experience on the Steve Harvey Show was nothing short of amazing, don't get me wrong, but as you'll see in the video...they cut out one VERY important piece.
I ONLY began to type that letter to explain to my Husband how to get the diffuser up and running because THAT is how important it is to me...and the sanity of others...including my Husband.
Who likes sleep? (slowly raises hand). Guess who thinks it's completely unnecessary? God damned PENNY!!!
So, WHY again did my Husband only get 4 hours of sleep that entire weekend?
Dude didn't read the letter.
Use the oils, people. Use ALL of the OILS!!!
To see the original post of my letter, click here. To see it on Facebook, click here.
To order your glorious Premium Starter Kit, click the pic!!!
To see our episode on Steve Harvey, click THAT pic!
And thank you ALL SO MUCH for all of the love and support!!!
Ohhhhhh...how I've missed this! I haven't blogged in a good 2.5 weeks, and it's been killing me! I always wonder if I'll have enough to talk about...until tonight.
I posted a photo on Facebook earlier today, with this caption...
Today's going to be a real sh*t show with this one. Decided, once again, that it was not in her best interest to sleep last night. I've decided to document her completely ridiculous and unnecessary meltdowns. I'll start with 7am.
Her pee was too hot 😒
Here's the pic that went along with it...
I received tons of comments, likes, hearts, support, and overall "Thank You for making my life seem normal" comments. Let me real quick add my favorite...
"Pro tip: Just randomly go in their room at start screaming at 3am. This is especially effective when they've started to enjoy sleep."
Everything was fine and dandy UNTIL...I got the dreaded "NOT cool. Huge violation of this sweet girl's privacy. I'm hurting for her something fierce right now. These things...once out there...can be there FOREVER!!!" Not in so many words, but you get the idea. I immediately started to question myself. I actually felt TERRIBLE!!! Am I a huge D*ck Bag that does nothing but shames her child? Is she going to resent me? How much therapy will she need? And just then I had a HUGE epiphany! I just HAD to take to my blog.
I didn't start there though. I, for the next TWO hours, tirelessly searched for any and all pictures I had of myself growing up. You'll see where I'm going with this...I think.
I'll start with this one...
This is a photo of me as a newborn. I think. I actually have no f*cking idea if this IS, in fact, even me. Better question...WTF is that holding me? My Mom? I dunno. Nothing was stated on the back of the photo. THIS is something I would've loved to have...on the internet... FOREVER!
"Momma holding her new baby girl!!!"
But I don't.
I'll keep going.
Here I am again...
3, 4, 6 months? Hell if I know!!! Am I pissed? Do I hate the person I'm looking at? Did I just sh*t myself? No clue. THIS is something that I would've loved to have...on the internet...FOREVER.
"Here's Meg...digesting her sh*tty peas and carrot dinner."
But I don't.
Ummmmmm..."I'm sorry. Does your baby have a giant black eye?" YUP!!! Sure does! How the F*CK did that even get there? I've heard a few conflicting stories, but I'm not sure I'll ever know. THIS is something that I would've loved to have...on the internet...FOREVER.
"Here's Meg!!! Still smiling...even though she just launched her dumb ass down the stairs in her walker."
But I don't.
A favorite of mine...
I actually DO love this one!!! I don't know much about WTF I was doing here, or...if indeed... I had AGAIN shit myself. I do know one thing though...My Dad took this one. He loved photography, and he's who inspired me to love taking photos myself. He's a pretty rad dude. And since I DID manage to take a pretty decent picture of a picture, I WILL have it FOREVER...on the internet.
"Here's Ghanni...just sh*tting again...loving up on her giraffe...with questionable eyebrows."
Here I am again...from what looks to be the same night. Is it though? WTF knows. Why am I so pissed off? Do I absolutely HATE Mickey Mouse AND Miss Piggy equally? Do I hate life? Do I have to sh*t, but I'm afraid to tell anyone? I'LL NEVER KNOW!!! I look like a miserable little TWAT! I'd love to know what the hell was going through my head at this very moment. THIS is something that I would've loved to have...on the internet...FOREVER.
"Just Meg again...Not interested in Mickey's trapeze skills, and pissed that she got the pig b*tch when Mom knew DAMNED well she's more of a Kermit kind of gal."
But I don't.
The only pic I have with my Gram. God...I loved the crap out of her! I wish I had more of these...on the internet...FOREVER.
But I don't.
Funny story...I liked babies.
I dunno...some might consider this one a bit inappropriate. Who's to say I wanted the whole world to know about my FUPA at such a young age? I mean...I'm walking the beach half naked. AGAIN...it looks like I have a giant TURD in my drawers, and there's about to be a left nip slip from that busted bikini top. Would this photo EVER upset me? HELL NO!!! What am I eating? Who was with me that day? UGHHHHHH!!! There's nothing on the back of this photo!!! I see my Dad's shoes. Was he with me? I see his camera bag. Of course he was! Was my Mom there? Were they together at that time? Were they happy? Is that a popsicle stick or a french fry? I wish I knew more. I wish there WAS more! I know my parents loved me. I know they had great times with me. I know they wish they had more to show...more to document...more to save. More to have...on the internet...FOREVER.
But they don't.
Would I ever get upset about a picture of me, screaming my face off, on the toilet? NO WAY!!! It's a memory. It's something I could look back on. It's something that would make me feel human...almost normal. My kids do this sh*t, and holy balls...I did it too!!! Kids lose their sh*t, right? OF COURSE they do! I want other Moms to know that this is REAL. This sh*t happens!!! I want MY kids to know (when I broadcast their slideshow at their wedding) that this is LIFE. Kids are buttfaces sometimes, and that's okay...because Guess what??? They were buttfaces too, and they actually turned out F*CKING AWESOME!!! And their kids will too.
So, post it! Document it! The good AND the bad. They'll appreciate it, I can almost guarantee that. I wish I had this sh*t...on the internet...FOREVER.
But I don't.
Bottom line is...
It's YOUR life, it's YOUR family, it's YOUR choice.
You do you. I'll do me.