We're finished. We're through. I'm DONE.

This could quite possibly be one of the most difficult blogs I've written.  I realize that this may not be the best place to share it, but I've been an open book from day one, and for the next few days...I'm REALLY going to need the support.

Where do I begin?

Well...as stated above, I'm done.  I cannot continue to live like this.  I won't refer to you as a TOTAL monster...because...as of today...you've given me this...

My Family...My children.  ALL OF THAT!

And that right there...makes keeping you around for this long...110% worth it!

BUT...

You gotsta GO!!!


Things were ok after Bailey.  Hell...even after Harper it wasn't so bad.  Things started getting pretty ugly after Quinn.  But Penny....OHHHHHHHHH...Penny!!!  Everything took a turn for the worse.

The physical pain you've caused me wasn't even the worst of it.  I cannot even count the number of times you've drawn blood.  You've left me time and time again, in a rolled up ball on the floor, more times than I'd like to admit.  I remember leaving the hospital when Penny had to hang back in the NICU.  I wasn't even home 24 hours, and you put me RIGHT back in the hospital...for almost a WEEK!

You've absolutely destroyed me emotionally.  You've made me feel ugly, fat, and disgusting.  You continuously kick me when I'm already down, and leave me in tears ALL. THE. TIME.

I cannot live with you anymore.  I JUST CANNOT.

I deserve better than this.  I NEED my life back.

Thank you for my children.  Thank you for housing them, and (for the most part) keeping them safe.

But, as far as I'm concerned...

That's ALL you were good for!!!

Tuesday morning will be our last time together as I sign those papers.

OH, and how I WISH I could see your face as I do, BUT...

You're just a uterus.

And you don't have a face.

You also don't have eyes, sooooooo.

All jokes aside...I'm TERRIFIED.

I'm having such a hard time with the fact that the one part of me that made such a huge difference...that made me a Mom...that made me WORTH something...is being ripped from my body.

That's it.  I'm done.  

Everything I've worked so hard for is OVER.  

What's left?

What am I good for now?

These are my thoughts, and I KNOW they're crazy!  And I KNOW I'm blessed AF, but it's still hard.

I have heaviness and constant pain EVERY day, and I know this is what I need to better my quality of life.  

To be a better Mom.

A better Wife.

I know.

I'm excited, but scared shitless all at once.

Also...this isn't my cake.

I stole it from my Google friend.

I wouldn't be mad though.

If you have any advice, or any words of wisdom...anything at all...please message me.  Oh, and I'll take all of the oily combos I can get!  I'm slightly freaking TF out.  Not just that I'm getting sliced open, but because Kev will be home alone...for 5 days...with 6 kids...and a puppy.

I'll wrap this up with a friendly PSA...

If there's any one thing in your life.  Whether it be a friend, a boyfriend, Husband, uterus, a car, a laundry basket, gallbladder, Alpaca, or Goldfish...

and it's dulling the quality of YOUR life...

or just toxic AF...

Get rid of that shit.

​#YOLO