 "Who's there?" "Not my f*cking kids!" Alright ladies and gents…put the knives away. I know…I know. What kind of pure demon a**hole celebrates having to put their tiny human angel faces on a bus? (slowly raises hand) I get it. Some of you work full time. Some stay home. Some work part-time. Some live in a van down by the river. I'm not here to judge, and neither should you. This is the card I was dealt. A mother f*cking ACE OF SPADES!!! I'm a SAHM. I AM blessed. I wouldn't have it ANY other way, but SH*T…I'm DONE!!! Momma's tired. I love the sh*t out of my kids. I really do, but GOOD GOD…I have SIX!!! I'm not saying I don't love staying home, but EFF ME!!! Sometimes I feel I'd give a left nip to be able to head to an office…interact with adult human beings…who typically enjoy other "adult" conversations. I'm TIRED of f*cking singing "Let it Go". I'm tired of looking at their poop because it slightly resembles Sheepy from Doc McStuffins, and wiping sh*tty buttholes. I'm over sippy cups. They all f*cking leak. The 800 outfit changes…UGHHHHHH!!! Braid your hair? WHAT f*cking hair? You don't have any!!! "Can I have gum? Can I have gum?" "NOOOOO!!! You can't f*cking chew gum!!! You'll just swallow it! And then you'll sh*t bubbles!" "Mommy, please?" "FINE!" There she goes…swallowing the f*cking gum. The older ones don't do sh*t!!! Here's how that goes… "Girls, clean your rooms! Ella, get the kitchen…Bailey…the living room, and Harper…the hallways." 10 minutes later… "MOM!!! Can we go to the park?" (Having done nothing) "Sure." What in all of sh*t's wizardry just happened? All in all…we're all PARENTS, and we're in this sh*t together. High five that Mom that cries her face off when she puts her 5 year old on a bus. But for F*ck's sake… That Momma that's celebrating outside her front door, with mimosas in hand and a giant smile on her face (slowly raises hand)…give that bitch a HUG!
71 Comments
Liz C
8/24/2016 07:31:11 am
This is great, you are great, and I'm so excited for your blog! :)
Tracey
8/24/2016 03:52:24 pm
Me too! Happy to see you blogging! You are what we need more of in this world! Honesty and Humor
Brittany
8/24/2016 07:31:28 am
As long as you write these blogs, I will read them. You're a hilarious reminder that I can totally handle the three fuck trophies I've won. Cheers!
Marnie
8/24/2016 08:28:31 am
I feel like initially I was shocked by your ...term of endearment... But oh my I can not stop laughing about how it sounds and keep repeating it in my head ... Cue laughing to follow
Suna
8/24/2016 09:45:03 am
This by far was the best name for your kids....fuck trophies!!! Love it
Connie
8/29/2016 03:30:47 pm
Soo funny you should call them that - my husband has been calling our sex trophies for years! ;0)
India Middleton
10/12/2016 03:40:41 pm
Rotfl!!! Love the term...
Alicia Carpenter
8/24/2016 07:33:20 am
Pure awesomeness right here! I'm one of those mom's that's excited for the first day of school, and I only have a 10yr old child. She is literally a "minny me", and as it turns out, 3 months of summer living with me is more than enough. (Hopefully that last sentence makes sence.)
Heather G
8/24/2016 07:35:23 am
YOU. ARE. MY. HERO.!!!!!!!!
Ashley C
8/25/2016 11:02:44 am
That was my first thought too
DJ
8/24/2016 07:38:28 am
You remind me so much of myself! I love reading your posts!
Carmen Alexandra Del Coro
8/24/2016 07:38:59 am
This mama LOVES this and wants MOAR!
Jo Beale
8/24/2016 07:40:07 am
I fucking live you. I'm in Lindon and my 2 don't go back to school for another 2 weeks!! Thank God they're off to the grandparents for a week in Saturday. I will be chilling, drinking and bloody sleeping!!! I work 9-3 as a cleaner cleaning up other people's crap and dirt all day and it's such a blessed relief to do it as its nice and bloody quiet!!! Within 10 minutes of picking them up its "mummy" every 5 seconds, arguing, crying, hitting each other and basically not doing an effing thing they're told!! Please pass me the gin as I'm off to collect them shortly 🙏🙏😬😬xxxx
Jessica
8/24/2016 07:52:21 am
OMG I love it!!! I don't have kids...yet but all your posts crack me up!! And I'm loving this new blog!!!
Emilia
8/24/2016 08:07:57 am
Can't wait for more!!!! Cheers for school that already start 🍹
Jamie
8/24/2016 08:08:33 am
You are awesome!!! Love reading your stuff!!!
Michelle
8/24/2016 08:09:00 am
You are my hero i swear to god woman your posts are hilarious. I came across your page last week and i stalked it for ages reading your posts, tears blinding me laughing. You are so honest and you have absolutely no filter, I LOVE IT !!! Im so excited that you now have a blog, goodluck with it all.
Lauren
8/24/2016 08:10:43 am
Omg! I love this! If you live in the Plainfield area, we need to meet! I want to be friends, lol! I need more SAHM friends that get it like we do!!! Great article! I will for sure be following your posts. Funny sh*t!!!! Thanks for a good laugh today!!! 😂😂😂
Jennifer
8/24/2016 08:12:31 am
I just fuckn love you!! I have 4 kids ,10,9,9 and 8 & love em to death but can relate to 100% of the things you say ahahaha KEEP EM COMING IT'S HILARIOUS.... SIGNED ONE TIRED MAMA TO THE NEXT
Mary
8/24/2016 08:21:27 am
Look at you!!! It's about time. Keep em coming. You crack me up!
Jennifer
8/24/2016 08:26:59 am
Good Lord I love the first day of school! And in AZ that comes at the end of JULY!!! Only 8 weeks of Summer vacation! Eff Yeah!! I work from home and it's hard when they are home because I just can't entertain them. And there's only 2. And when I hear the bus come to drop them off at 3, it's mixed emotions of crap they're home, where did my day go and I can't wait to hear about your day. I wish school went til 5... I love them so much!!!
Terri
8/24/2016 08:31:57 am
Absolutely love the real talk! I only have 3, but they're all 7 years apart....I've been doing this a long time...talk about tired (oldest 21, youngest almost 7...with a 13yo girl in the middle...hardest thing I've ever done). I love the honesty! I just roll my eyes in the school parking lot when I hear parents taking calmly to their kids about how they're "have a discussion when we get home"...in my house that means "I'm going to lose my shit when no one is around, and hopefully we'll make it to the car first." Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone.
Megan
8/24/2016 08:33:07 am
Omg you are my religion! Praise you woman!
Brittany
8/24/2016 08:33:25 am
So happy you decided to do a blog! Too funny. Nice to see a mom with a great sense of humor and not afraid to be real!! Kudos girl. :)
Trish
8/24/2016 08:34:08 am
I love this!! I can totally relate.. I went back to work nearly 3 years ago because I needed a fucking break from my kids! I was always mad at my husband for getting to leave the house every day (for work).. All 6 of mine are in school this year.. THANK GOD! now I'm taking Friday's off just for me time.. Don't get me wrong, I love the little shits more than life but sometimes we need a damn break!! Thank you for the laughs!
Arlene
8/24/2016 08:37:26 am
Its about time girl!!!!! Love it
Renee cavanaugh
8/24/2016 08:52:03 am
Love your honest to gods truth tales.. can't wait for more
Becky
8/24/2016 08:57:09 am
Holy hell if this isn't my f*cking life. I can't wait till the damn bus shows up. I'll still have one at home. But boy I will be ready in a year when she is gone out the door too. Stay at home moms have it rough during the summer. That's for damn sure. So I am aboard the get the kids out train. 8/24/2016 09:01:55 am
You came into my life at the perfect hour and I just want to say thank you for doing this, I need you in my life! Also if you send me your address, I'll send you a bottle of wine to celebrate your blog! [email protected]
Kelly
8/24/2016 09:28:03 am
Love it all !!
Brenda
8/24/2016 09:38:54 am
Hahaha! I get the mixed and sad but yes! Partial freedom feeling
Lisa Shoenfelt
8/24/2016 09:47:37 am
I absolutely LOVE YOU!!! ❤️❤️
Maureen Kolk
8/24/2016 10:33:27 am
Love it!!! I can't wait to read more. You crack me up. This just made my day. Lol...
Stephanie
8/24/2016 10:34:30 am
You go honey! Yes, I was the Mom who cried when my boys left for ANY firsts, and on Monday, my eldest had his last first day of school. He is now a freaking Senior at Indiana University. I wasn't there with him, but cried silent joys:) I love all of your shits and giggles and literally lol with you and for you!
Sarah
8/24/2016 10:37:20 am
I love my little assholes but I was definitely doing my happy dance when I sent my youngest to kindergarten last week!!! Freedom!!!! Sweet sweet freedom!!!
Stefawna
8/24/2016 10:52:12 am
#truestory... My kids just left for the bus!! And my threeager is still asleep!!! THANK GOD!!!!
Stefawna
8/24/2016 10:52:19 am
#truestory... My kids just left for the bus!! And my threeager is still asleep!!! THANK GOD!!!!
Stefawna
8/24/2016 10:52:32 am
#truestory... My kids just left for the bus!! And my threeager is still asleep!!! THANK GOD!!!!
shanon goss
8/24/2016 11:17:28 am
AMEN pray sister
Valerie
8/24/2016 05:05:50 pm
This was LONG overdue!!! 😄 I love the look of your website and blog - great job!
Ali
8/24/2016 09:12:13 pm
Yessss! Next up: your own reality show 😜
Shahannah
8/24/2016 11:16:24 pm
Everything I want to say about my 7 f**k trophies (still laughing about that one) but can't. Can't wait until your next post. You are awesome! My oldest is 10 by the way.
Kristyn
8/25/2016 10:31:47 am
I adore Meghan and her hilarious personality! Keeps me smiling!
Ashley C
8/25/2016 11:05:26 am
Omg, thank you! I was just sitting here feeling pissy because I never get alone time in my house. And now you've gone and made my day!
In a van down by the river...lmao
8/25/2016 12:36:35 pm
Georgia
8/25/2016 12:41:47 pm
You f*cking rock. Mother of 4 here and I feel everything you said! Cheers!
Beachbaybie
8/25/2016 12:48:15 pm
Having had 3 boys and a house full of boys at any time (mine or not) I felt horrible for feeling this way at times! Btw I did cry at every milestone too! Rock on Momma!
MonkeyMom
8/25/2016 03:29:15 pm
Hilarious! Yes!!!! I'm a full time working mom and I'm drinking the mimosa with you cheering that school is on again! Don't be fooled about adult interaction in an office though. I feel like I run a kindergarten at times. So the grass is not always greener on the other side. I wish I could be my own boss. Yeah, I know, other problems to solve but at least I'd be calling the shots.
MonkeyMom
8/25/2016 03:29:35 pm
Hilarious! Yes!!!! I'm a full time working mom and I'm drinking the mimosa with you cheering that school is on again! Don't be fooled about adult interaction in an office though. I feel like I run a kindergarten at times. So the grass is not always greener on the other side. I wish I could be my own boss. Yeah, I know, other problems to solve but at least I'd be calling the shots.
MonkeyMom2006
8/25/2016 03:30:04 pm
Hilarious! Yes!!!! I'm a full time working mom and I'm drinking the mimosa with you cheering that school is on again! Don't be fooled about adult interaction in an office though. I feel like I run a kindergarten at times. So the grass is not always greener on the other side. I wish I could be my own boss. Yeah, I know, other problems to solve but at least I'd be calling the shots. 8/25/2016 03:30:35 pm
Hilarious! Yes!!!! I'm a full time working mom and I'm drinking the mimosa with you cheering that school is on again! Don't be fooled about adult interaction in an office though. I feel like I run a kindergarten at times. So the grass is not always greener on the other side. I wish I could be my own boss. Yeah, I know, other problems to solve but at least I'd be calling the shots.
Hilarious! Yes!!!! I'm a full time working mom and I'm drinking the mimosa with you cheering that school is on again! Don't be fooled about adult interaction in an office though. I feel like I run a kindergarten at times. So the grass is not always greener on the other side. I wish I could be my own boss. Yeah, I know, other problems to solve but at least I'd be calling the shots. Hilarious! Yes!!!! I'm a full time working mom and I'm drinking the mimosa with you cheering that school is on again! Don't be fooled about adult interaction in an office though. I feel like I run a kindergarten at times. So the grass is not always greener on the other side. I wish I could be my own boss. Yeah, I know, other problems to solve but at least I'd be calling the shots. Either way... Cheers to the new school year (raising my glass...needs refill).
Susie
8/25/2016 04:10:46 pm
You're awesome. I love it! I can't wait to read more. Thank you for putting to words how I feel! Your amazing!!
Alexus
8/25/2016 07:16:55 pm
I sooo love you signed your biggest fan in Maryland
Samantha Lynch
8/26/2016 06:29:31 am
Strong work Meg!!😃
Lyndsey
8/26/2016 07:31:14 am
Love love love this. I'm a SAHM of 3. My twins are almost 2 and dear lord I love them but my 2 nights a month I get to work are some of my best days. My friend and I spend a few hours a week in my drive way with a bottle of Malibu bitching about our kids and how much we love the little assholes at the same time. You should really live closer 😊
Darla Marcel
8/26/2016 10:24:54 pm
In 3 years can I join you for a drink? 6 kids here myself and well we are like soul sistahs or something b/c I could have wrote this myself, it sums up my life pretty well my friend! Keep on keeping on, peace love and motherhood! 😘
Samantha
8/29/2016 04:07:57 pm
I love it!!! 😂😂😂
Samantha
8/29/2016 04:08:20 pm
I love it!!! 😂😂😂 keep it coming!!
Emily
8/29/2016 09:54:50 pm
Best read! Being a stay at home mom with 3 demon blessings of my own.... I am constantly teetering on the line of "I'm going to lose my sh*t" and "Ok hunny, whatever you want".
Robin Brouillard Bettencourt
9/5/2016 08:47:57 pm
Omg wicked freaking funny ,you go girl just fucking love you ,glad someone had the balls to say the first thing that enters there Mind when answering a question ,no sugar coating your feelings just say it ,we all been there whether it's one,two ,three children etc and we all know you love your children but your crazy bitch for sure and that's to be taken as a compliment ,this post cracked me up ,have awesome freaking day 🍷
JessicaLinn
9/12/2016 12:36:55 pm
You are my spirit animal..
Harmony...but i live in chaos
9/16/2016 09:17:53 am
You fucking rock!! Just came across your blog and OMG, I seriously have tears in my eyes as I'm writing this. Thank you!! I only have one...one and done babay! So good to know I'm not alone in these feelings!!
India Middleton
10/12/2016 03:38:12 pm
OMG!!! I think you are my soul mate!!! I have lived this post.. I love that you keep it 100%. After reading your blog I now feel better that I cuss and say the most outrageous shit ever, but I now know I'm not alone.. I have 4kids ranging from 15-9mo and a bonus kid(husbands daughter). I was almost done with the ones at home than I had sex......... what in the bloody hell was I thinkin??? Thank you for boosting my confidence in the parenting department. I'm doing my best, so what if I like to drink Apple Crown after along day! LOL.. Your awesome!! Leave a Reply. |
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