"Not my f*cking kids!"
Alright ladies and gents…put the knives away. I know…I know. What kind of pure demon a**hole celebrates having to put their tiny human angel faces on a bus? (slowly raises hand)
I get it. Some of you work full time. Some stay home. Some work part-time. Some live in a van down by the river. I'm not here to judge, and neither should you. This is the card I was dealt. A mother f*cking ACE OF SPADES!!! I'm a SAHM. I AM blessed. I wouldn't have it ANY other way, but SH*T…I'm DONE!!! Momma's tired.
I love the sh*t out of my kids. I really do, but GOOD GOD…I have SIX!!! I'm not saying I don't love staying home, but EFF ME!!! Sometimes I feel I'd give a left nip to be able to head to an office…interact with adult human beings…who typically enjoy other "adult" conversations. I'm TIRED of f*cking singing "Let it Go". I'm tired of looking at their poop because it slightly resembles Sheepy from Doc McStuffins, and wiping sh*tty buttholes. I'm over sippy cups. They all f*cking leak. The 800 outfit changes…UGHHHHHH!!! Braid your hair? WHAT f*cking hair? You don't have any!!!
"Can I have gum? Can I have gum?"
"NOOOOO!!! You can't f*cking chew gum!!! You'll just swallow it! And then you'll sh*t bubbles!"
There she goes…swallowing the f*cking gum.
The older ones don't do sh*t!!! Here's how that goes…
"Girls, clean your rooms! Ella, get the kitchen…Bailey…the living room, and Harper…the hallways."
10 minutes later…
"MOM!!! Can we go to the park?" (Having done nothing)
What in all of sh*t's wizardry just happened?
All in all…we're all PARENTS, and we're in this sh*t together. High five that Mom that cries her face off when she puts her 5 year old on a bus.
But for F*ck's sake…
That Momma that's celebrating outside her front door, with mimosas in hand and a giant smile on her face (slowly raises hand)…give that bitch a HUG!
I'm new here. Give me 3 more nights, and 6 more bottles of wine.